Subtle And Half Impossible
by Cynic Writer
Summary: Arthur starts thinking about Merlin and can't stop. It's romantic. And as we all know that Arthur is a little self-centered, this is mainly from his point of view. I'm bad at summaries. :P
1. Prologue

**Author's Notes: **My first fanfic ever so please, be kind. Rated M to be sure. Thanks to Girl With a Pearl Earring for beta. Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own** _Merlin_**. If I did… Well.

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That Arthur and Merlin did not get on when they first met was common knowledge. So when word got around that Merlin was to be Arthur's manservant, more than a few gossips expressed their pity for Merlin. After all, having to serve a prince who had it in for him from the start probably wouldn't be very nice.

Arthur himself didn't think it would be very nice, having that idiot around. Even if it meant he could now order the man to carry out countless chores. No matter what some country bumpkins might think, Arthur was a real person with feelings, although he'd never admit it. He didn't exactly enjoy the expression of dislike that appeared on his servant'sface every time he laid eyes on the prince. So really, ordering Merlin around and generally being mean to him was just self defense, in addition to being good fun.

But as time passed by he got used to the presence of his manservant and, as of late, friend. The fact that Merlin had saved his life once or twice created respect, something Arthur would never have expected to feel for a servant. And he had a feeling that Merlin respected him, too. Probably thanks to all those hours of swordplay trainingthat Merlin was bound to have witnessed… Arthur couldn't help it, whenever he knew Merlin was watching he put in some extra impressive moves. There was no harm in showing the boy exactly how much better a swordsman the prince was than he himself.

When that guy Lancelot came around and hung out with Merlin, Arthur wasn't very pleased. Merlin was his manservant and he felt it was exclusively his right to save the idiot's ass. And anyway, how could anyone look good next to Sir Lance-a-lot?! The man was chivalrous to a fault, and ridiculously polite. And he looked good. No wonder all the girls in the castle were drooling after him. When Arthur found out about the faked family tree, he couldn't help feeling a little happy. The Perfect Man had some faults, thank goodness. But to be honest, Lancelot was one of the best knights he'd ever had and it just wasn't fair that he had to go. (Although the man managed to make himself look even more saintly and self-sacrificing by announcing a self-proclaimed exile. Honestly!) Well, at least his manservant would be concentrating on his work again. As if. Merlin could never even stay concentrated long enough to fold a shirt.

It was about that time Arthur started noticing odd things. Merlin, who had started out as a very unwilling servant, suddenly went about his chores in an almost cheery way. He'd started smiling and even laughing in the prince's presence. He'd started chatting, for god's sake! And when Arthur woke up in bed one day with a massive headache, remembering nothing about the night before except something about the girl, Sophia, he could have sworn he saw fondness in Merlin's eyes. He'd almost manage to forget about it for a while but then Merlin would give him one of those funny looks again. And then when the black knight came and Arthur agreed to fight him, Merlin seemed so worried for him. Much more worried than a servant would be for his master. Maybe even more worried than a friend would have been…

Arthur tried to ignore all these…odd incidents, he really did. But he couldn't help being a little suspicious. And since he'd started noticing these things, it appeared Merlin had started noticing him noticing. That was really awkward. They tiptoed around each other uttering subtleties and doing things that, interpreted one way, was just friends being friends, but interpreted the other way… Arthur tried not to encourage anything, but all these double entendres where turning his brain into syrup. And anyway, when he considered taking the matter up with Merlin and thought about rejecting him he found himself wondering if he really would go through with it, if it came to that. Arthur spent more than one night ransacking his heart, invariably ending his musings with a frustrated curse. He was getting nowhere, so maybe it was just best not to think too much.

Of course, it was rather hard not to think about Merlin as he was almost constantly around, and then the boy's village had to go and get into trouble, didn't it. Arthur convinced himself he was only helping Merlin because he was a friend and that's what friends did. And gods, that was certainly a very strange occurence time. For a moment there he almost thought Merlin was going to confess to being a sorcerer. So it turned out he'd only been hiding one. But that, too, was an offence. Why wouldn't Merlin trust him with that important a piece of information? Well, all right - Arthur did see how it would make sense not to tell the Prince of Camelot that your best friend was a sorcerer.

When the prince and his companions were riding home from Merlin's village, the tension between Arthur and Merlin was almost tangible. One night they settled in a little clearing in the forest, and Arthur went to wash himself in a nearby river. When he was getting out of the water, completely naked, Merlin appeared from the bushes carrying a blanket.

"Merlin!" Arthur said, jumping.

"Respect my privacy, would you?" He quickly reached for the blanket Merlin was offering and covered himself.

"I've assisted you a million times when you've taken baths back home, sire," Merlin grinned. "There's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Yes, but this isn't civilized old Camelot, is it? In these conditions I'm perfectly capable of taking a bath by myself." It came out a little sharper than Arthur had intended and he saw Merlin turn away with his shoulders up by his ears.

"Hey," he said and put a hand on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin turned around to look at him. "It's just… I rarely have a chance to be alone and I quite enjoy it."

"Yeah, I guess being a prince is quite a social job." The words were quiet and Merlin was smiling ruefully, not looking at Arthur.

"Well, I suppose I should have remembered to take a blanket myself, but you know, being a prince and having servants tends to alienate you from these practical, commonplace things…" Arthur's tone was mockingly arrogant and to his relief Merlin seemed to understand that he was joking. As Arthur watched from the corner of his eye he saw Merlin smile that cheeky, life-affirming smile of his. The servant gave his masters body a quick, furtive once-over before regretfully turning away.

"Um, I'll be going then," he said quietly, walking away.

Arthur watched him go, awestruck. _Well I'll be damned - it seems he actually loves me_, he thought, impressed. _And he knows - he knows I can't return his feelings, so he's keeping it all to himself. Just so I won't have to take a stand. There can't be a better, more loyal friend than that… _And suddenly a wave of grief struck him. At the thought of this man, Merlin, silently enduring months, years of unrequited love because there was nothing else for him to do, the Once and Future King felt like crying.

Arthur tried to be his normal self the next couple of weeks. As a matter of fact he thought he might have been overcompensating with the "merry and carefree" act, but on the other hand there always seemed to be one crisis or another which let him act just as worried and sad as he actually felt. Like that strange monster that managed to bite him. Had it not been for the fact that he was vaguely aware of the pain, it would've been rather nice to be unconscious, for the same reason he looked forward to going to sleep - it kept the thoughts away for hours at a time. But then he woke up, and as if it hadn't been enough to be back right where he started, thought-wise, Merlin had also come and seen him and acted strangely. And the next morning when Arthur woke up - damn, back to the thoughts - there was no Merlin to wait on him.

Nobody seemed to know where the boy was. Arthur was frightened by the strength of his feelings. Where was Merlin? He hadn't simply overslept as usual, that much was obvious, so what had happened? Did it have something to do with the dramatic things the servant had said last night? "I'm happy to be your servant until the day I die," or something like that. He hoped Merlin hadn't gone and gotten himself into trouble. And if he had? How utterly infuriating that Arthur was still recovering from his wounds, because if not… Well, he wouldn't be out looking for Merlin if he was well either, now would he, because the boy was just a servant and a prince did not go running around looking for a servant who had been missing for half a day. A whole day, by now. Arthur tossed and turned half the night before he finally fell asleep.

When Arthur found out the next day that Merlin was back, he couldn't help it. He came running to the boy like a dog when called. He only turned it into a suitably princely "storming in" at the last minute.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Arthur demanded.

"Oh, hello… I was just coming to see if you needed me, really," was the faint reply he got.

"Yes, well, it's a bit late for that now, isn't it? Seeing as I'm already here."

"I'm really sorry, Arthur, I was going to explain before I left but then there was no time-"

"About now would be the right time to do the explaining, then."

At this point, Gaius intervened.

"I'm afraid this is all my fault, Prince Arthur. You see, an old friend of mine had gotten into some trouble and he needed my help rather urgently."

Arthur stared at the elderly man, surprised.

"But… But you're the court physician! You were supposed to make sure I was alright. Couldn't you have sent someone else to help your friend?"

Merlin made a half irritated, half amused face at that comment. You could always count on the prince to be self-centered.

"You were doing really well already, Arthur, and Gaius was the only one who had the necessary knowledge. Only it was a trap, some bad people had forced the friend to send this message - they were planning to abduct Gaius so you'd have no one to cure you next time you fell ill!"

Arthur eyed Merlin skeptically.

"And I suppose that's why you rushed off - to save him valiantly from these 'bad people'? Just like you managed to bash me over the head from behind that one time?"

"Umm, yeah… Exactly like that." At least Merlin had the grace to look slightly shamefaced about that.

"Really, you don't think, do you, Merlin. I was - um - everyone in the castle was worried about you. And about Gaius too, of course."

It hurt Arthur to see how Merlin's face lit up at that comment. Was the boy's love for him really that obvious? It was a miracle that no one had noticed. Had they? Oh, bugger. A whole new worrying scenario to be thinking about.

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Review? Please? I'm offering virtual cookies for all and any reviewers…

Also, to those readers who are int the UK: have you heard about ChartJackers? If not, check them out on YouTube: just search for "ChartJackers" and/or "I've Got Nothing". It's this great internet-charity-project thingy. If you help out, I love you!


	2. Here's to you

**Author's Notes:** Okay, so I rarely combine the music I'm listening to with anything I'm writing but TAT's song "Here's to you" just got stuck in my head and would not go away until I wrote this. Nothing's changed from the previous chapter, I still don't own Merlin. And I still owe Girl With a Pearl Earring and -bare-footed-muse- virtual cookies for beta.

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After Merlin returned, things went back to normal. Actually, things were more normal now than they had been for months, what with one weird incident following another. To a visitor, Camelot would have seemed the most peaceful city in the country, midnight bar brawls excluded. They would have been wrong, of course.

Things were never what they seemed.

Among those things was the Crown Prince's mental wellbeing. On the outside, Arthur was calm and happy, albeit a little frustrated since the wound from the questing beast was healing quite slowly. On the inside, he was going crazy. Before Merlin came along he'd never though about a man that way. Never. And now… Well, sparing the details, he was thinking about men all the time.

Correction. A man. A servant. A manservant who was obviously deeply in love with Arthur. Was this a temptation sent to him by the gods? Was a divine power testing his loyalty to his country and duty? Well, in that case, he would not fail. No short affair with a servant, a male servant at that, would be worth his fathers wrath if found out. Him and Merlin together was impossible in so many ways - no future together, seeing as he'd have to get married sooner or later, Merlin's being a man, Merlin's being a servant, Merlin not being one of his father's favourites, Merlin's being just too damn good to be true… No, he was not going to act on his feelings for the servant boy: it would mean getting his heart broken - sooner or later. Oh, he did _not_ just think that! Princes did _not _use phrases like "break your heart".

Clearly, this deluded affection for Merlin was distracting him.

What he needed to do was just to get on with his life. Ignore the boy's wistful looks.

This proved to be harder than it seemed. Once or twice, when Merlin was dressing him with infinite care, pulling every strap of leather as if it was silk, Arthur felt like screaming, "Just kiss me then!" He didn't, of course. He just sighed impatiently and told Merlin to get a move on. He seemed to be snapping at the boy more often than he should be, really. He knew that it wasn't fair, but he did kind of blame the servant for the chaos currently reigning in his head. After all, if _Merlin_ hadn't fallen in love with him, Arthur would never have realized that he was capable of appreciating a man's looks the way he would a woman's. And it seemed that Merlin had noticed Arthur being a little tetchy - okay, exceptionally irritated - because one evening when he made a disparaging comment about Merlin's ability to clean a breastplate, he was suddenly quite shocked to see the object in question being banged down on the table in front of him.

"All right, what's going on?"

Arthur blinked, taken by surprise.

"What do you mean, what's going on? You're not supposed to ask me what's going on!"

"Well, you've been acting all angry around me for the last two weeks or so and I'm not one to complain but it really isn't nice to get up before sunrise to clean your muddy boots and then get told that they're still dirty when they're obviously not."

Arthur raised a hand.

"For the record, they were too. Not to mention you hadn't done anything about the smell even though I specifically told you to. And I'm not _angry_."

Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Noo, of course you aren't, you just enjoy complaining. Sorry, I should have remembered that…"

Arthur sighed.

"Right, maybe I have been unnecessarily strict. It's just that it's so boring not to be able to do anything - it's been ages since I touched a sword…" Arthur looked away and thus missed the smile that tugged on Merlin's lips.

"I'm sorry," he finished.

Merlin stepped closer and Arthur realized he was holding his breath. Maybe now - maybe he would…?

"Thank you," said Merlin with a slight smile. The he leaned past the prince and picked up the breastplate, and retreated to the chair he'd previously been sitting on when polishing the metal. Arthur felt bitterness welling up in his throat as he started breathing again.

"Fetch me some wine," he said abruptly.

Merlin left the room, looking rather bewildered. When he finally arrived with a full goblet Arthur raised it in a mock toast.

"Here's to you! ...And your hard work." He drained the whole goblet in one go and took a quick peek at Merlin. Nope, still attractive.

"Actually, get me a whole bottle, will you?"

Hours and a considerable amount of wine later, Merlin decided to intervene before there was any vomit to clean up as well.

"Arthur, I think you've had enough for tonight."

"Tha's not for you to deshide, acshully. And I deshidedly haven't had nearly enough. Bring me some more."

"No, Arthur, you're going to go to bed now."

Arthur gave Merlin a funny look.

"Who with? You?"

"Yeah, right," Merlin grumbled as he tried to forcefully lift Arthur, who shied from his touch, from the chair he was sitting in.

"Well, who then?"

"I think it's too late to worry about that tonight. You'll just have to sleep alone."

"Yup, I'll be alone. Lonely."

Merlin gave Arthur a worried look.

"I feel like I should remind you that you're drunk. You'll be regretting that you said that tomorrow."

"No I won't. Because you won't be around to remind me." Arthur waved with an arm in what he thought was a very regal gesture. "And you won't be around to remind me becaush I'm shacking you. I mean sacking you." Thank god he'd managed to keep his tongue from distorting it into "shagging you".

Merlin stared at him incredulously. Then he snorted.

"Yes, I'm sure you are. I'll take that as a permission to have a lie in tomorrow." He turned to leave and Arthur lifted his head from the pillow sleepily.

"I really am shacking you, you know."

Merlin smiled back at him from the doorway.

"Of course you are. And you'll be rehiring me as soon as your shirt needs washing. Sleep well." As he closed the door behind him he let his smile broaden into a grin. The prince could be awfully adorable when he was drunk.

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Well? What did you think? Should I get out my virtual cookie recipe?


	3. Hangover Day

**Author's Notes:** Hmm. I personally thought this chapter was boring to write, but I need it so the story can progress. Still don't own nothing. Still beta:ed by Girl With a Pearl Earring and -bare-footed-muse-. Please enjoy.

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Arthur was woken up by a commotion in the city square. His head was pounding and he winced when a ray of sunlight hit his eyes. He rolled over and groaned into the pillow.

"I'll never drink again… Not that much. Why? Why would I do that?!"

Then he remembered. Well, that was nice. Five whole seconds of oblivion and he'd wasted them on moaning about his hangover.

If only he could go back to sleep… But he did have his duties as prince to attend to so he'd have to get up, sooner or later. For a moment he toyed with the thought of staying in bed until Merlin saw fit to appear again, as he had promised last night, but then discarded the idea as too frivolous. And anyway, he'd be too embarrassed to meet the servant's eye after last night as it was, so dealing with that while physically in his own bed - the very place he where wished Merlin could be - was probably not a good idea. Cursing silently, Arthur got up and smelled his shirt, left on by Merlin last night, and decided that changing clothes would be necessary. Was that a wine stain? With a flash of regret, he remembered what the boy had said about being rehired as soon as Arthur's shirt needed washing.

Arthur froze in midair, looking rather ridiculous as he had just been pulling off a boot, when a thought hit him. Merlin being his servant wasn't making either of them happy, right? So why rehire him? Why not get himself a new manservant, preferably a stupid and ugly one? Of course, he and Merlin were supposed to be friends so there would surely be some tutting from Morgana and Gaius, but he could definitely handle that. He was the prince, anyway; he didn't need a reason to fire a manservant. Lord knows he'd gotten through them at a pace of one a year before Merlin arrived. So actually, sacking Merlin right about now would make sense.

Arthur was just mentally congratulating himself on this brilliant idea when he realized that he would have to see Merlin to tell him that he wasn't being rehired. Now that was a conversation he wasn't looking forward to. Maybe he could just make an announcement that the Prince of Camelot was looking for a new manservant and the boy would take the hint…? Okay, so that wasn't likely, but it'd at least give him some more time.

Arthur quickly left his chambers and headed for the town crier.

Merlin had had an enjoyable morning. Getting a good night's sleep for once was good, getting to eat breakfast without hurrying was even better. As he walked across the town square he was smiling to himself and wondering how Arthur would receive him. He'd definitely be hung over, and thus probably in a very bad mood. And he'd definitely not cherish a mention of the revealing things he'd said last night. Merlin chuckled to himself. Maybe he'd risk a quick comment and a swift duck, just to see the prince blush. He was so enthralled by this mental picture he wouldn't have realized what the town crier was shouting unless he'd been walking directly past him.

"MANSERVANT for the PRINCE Arthur wanted, HOPEFULS may apply with the King's HOUSEKEEPER! REFERENCES required!"

Merlin stopped in his tracks.

"What? That can't be…"

He tugged at the crier's sleeve and the loud-voiced man turned around, looking irritated as he'd been interrupted mid-shout.

"Yes?"

"That announcement about a manservant for the prince, that can't be right. The prince already has a manservant."

"I just know what I'm told, boy and what I know is that the prince personally popped in and asked me to make that announcement this morning."

"But -"

"Applications with the King's housekeeper, just like I said. You got any questions, you address him. Off you go."

Defeated and confused, Merlin pulled the man's sleeve again as he was about to go back to shouting out the day's announcements.

"Do you happen to know where the prince was going after he'd seen you?"

The man gave Merlin a look.

"Off to being princely, I suppose."

Merlin hesitated outside the door to Arthur's chambers. Normally he'd just have barged in with an apology for being late but at the moment it just didn't seem right. He knocked, but there was no answer. After knocking again, he decided that dithering outside the door was plain stupid, and stepped in.

The rooms were empty and the bed hadn't been made. He identified the clothes Arthur had been wearing yesterday as those lying in a heap on the floor, sighed and went to pick then up. Then he stopped himself. It seemed he was no longer the prince's manservant, so he was damned if he was going to do the work. Perhaps the lady Morgana would know where Arthur was?

She didn't. But both she and Gwen had heard about Merlin getting sacked, and were just as clueless as he was.

"Did you have an argument, or something? Arthur _is _known for swiftly changing servants but I thought you two were getting on well…"

"He has been a bit irritable lately but he apologized for that. And then he got really drunk - alone - which hasn't happened before but I don't see how he could blame me for that, unless he thinks that I should have cut him off earlier and I don't think he would have liked that at the time. I really don't understand."

Morgana smiled at him.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him for you. This is probably just some misunderstanding, you'll be sure to have your job back by tomorrow."

Merlin smiled gratefully.

"Thank you, Lady Morgana - I really appreciate it!"

Well, thought Merlin, it seemed like he would have the rest of the day off too. Best just to relish the freedom and not to think about what this might mean. Because there was no way that Arthur could have noticed that Merlin was in love with him. Or - scary thought - that he could do magic. Speaking of which, he might as well use the unexpected free time to practise that growth spell he'd been having trouble learning. Maybe if he tried…

"Ouch!"

Deep in thought as he'd been, Merlin had collided with the person coming up the stairs he'd been going down. He was about to walk on with a muttered "Sorry" when the apologetic look he was bestowing on the stranger made him realize that the stranger was none other than the prince he'd been trying to find.

"Arthur!" he exclaimed.

"Watch it," the prince growled and then looked up. "Oh."

"I was looking for you," Merlin said.

"Can't see why," Arthur mumbled, trying to hide the panic he felt. Why was it that he could be a cold-blooded, victorious hero on the battlefield but break out in a sweat when faced with a simple conversation?

"Well, it may be my fault, but I thought you were just joking last night when you said you were sacking me."

Arthur winced. Of course Merlin had to make it sound like exciting bed talk rather than a drunken conversation - well, a half-drunken conversation. And what did it say about him that this was how he interpreted that particular sentence? If ever there was a good time for the thoughts to shut up, it was now. He needed to keep a cool head.

"Well, I did say I meant it."

"Yes, but you were drunk! I'm sure you said lots of things you didn't mean…" Left unspoken was _and you don't want me to give an example._

"This I really meant. Now, I've got to talk to my father, so…"

Merlin moved so that he blocked the prince's way.

"Just tell me why you sacked me, then! Because I really can't get my head around it. I thought we got on!"

Arthur was really starting to panic now. He could only just pull off the cool-and-distant prince act.

"Merlin, it is my privilege as a prince to sack a servant without giving a detailed explanation as to the reasons. I suggest you accept that and get yourself another job."

He swept off without a backwards glance, which was good as he probably couldn't have stayed resolute at the sight of Merlin's forlorn and hurt face.

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Oh dear, what will happen next? Will Arthur be able to keep well away from Merlin? Will Merlin die of a broken heart? Stay tuned for the next chapter… ;)


	4. Truce

**Author's Note:** I had fun writing this! *grins evilly* Thanks for beta to -bare-footed-muse- and Girl With a Pearl Earring. Now, on with the story.

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It had been a month. A clean, organized, and boring month that had been completely Merlin-free with the exception of the one time Arthur barged into Morgana's rooms and was faced with the servant boy holding a vial that must have been meant for the lady herself. That time the prince had just backed away, muttering something about a hunting trip. But after an incident during a ride out in the woods, Arthur had gotten ill. Fever, runny nose, sore throat, the lot.

Arthur was not happy.

He'd been forced to stay in his bed far too much lately. It was getting on his nerves and the new servant he'd employed after he'd sacked Merlin was not helping.

"Warm blackberry juice, sire?"

For starters, he was much too polite: every sentence he uttered ended with a "Sire" or "My lord". And no matter how many unpleasant things Arthur ordered him to do, his expression of unintelligent loyalty never wavered. And he never laughed. Ever. Probably too stupid to recognise a joke even if it was waving a pig's bladder in front of him.

"No, no blackberry juice for me, Tom."

The worst part was that even though the boy was as far from Merlin as one could get, he still reminded Arthur of his predecessor. Arthur reached for a handkerchief from the bedside table and blew his nose viciously. If only this illness would pass… It made him think of all the kind and caring things Merlin would no doubt have done, grumbling affectionately, just for the joy of seeing his prince smile.

Suddenly Arthur longed to see Merlin's face, hear his laughter… It must have been the fever that made him feel stuff, because he was definitely over Merlin. Definitely. So if he, in the grasp of the fever, obviously, ordered Tom to fetch Merlin, he was not to blame, was he?

That was logic.

"Tom, I want you to fetch a boy called Merlin. You should find him in the court physician's quarters."

"Yes, my lord."

Merlin was chopping herbs for Gaius. It was what he'd been doing for the last month - that, and pouring liquids from one container to another. Gaius did not trust his hands not to shake anymore, but neither was he ready to let Merlin do any of the interesting work. In fact, if it weren't for his imagination, Merlin would probably have gone out of his mind with sheer boredom by now.

When he was doing some particularly uninteresting manual work, he made up stories about what Arthur was up to at the moment. These stories mostly ended with Arthur getting into an almighty mess, which Merlin then had to save him from, inadvertently exposing his magical talents. In this fantasy world of his, Arthur invariably forgave him for secretly being a sorcerer and the stories usually ended with a kiss. Or multiple kisses. Or more… adult endings.

A knock on the door stirred Merlin from his latest fantasy.

"Come in," he answered. Merlin immediately recognised the freckly, broad-faced boy who entered as Arthur's new manservant.

"Gaius is not here," Merlin announced, unsmiling.

"Um, you're Merlin, right? The prince wishes to see you."

Merlin could feel his pulse accelerate.

"Me? Are you sure? Why would the prince want me?"

"How could I know? He's ill, the physician's away, maybe he wants you to treat him."

Merlin had to repress the mental images that the last sentence conjured up in his mind. Of all the times his brain could choose to go innuendo on him!

"He's ill? Oh, let me guess - he was riding by the lake and came upon two dastardly peasants trying to have their wicked way with an innocent maiden, valiantly rescued the damsel in distress and got pulled into the lake by the villain he pushed into it. And now he has a cold because he rode the whole way home soaking wet. Right?" Merlin's sarcastic tone of voice had a dreamy quality to it - this was exactly the kind of thing he thought about while chopping herbs…

"Oh, I hear word has gotten around, already," the boy answered, stone-faced. Merlin regarded him thoughtfully. Did the boy not have a sense of humour or hadn't he understood that it was a joke? Anyway, why was he wasting time thinking about that? Arthur had finally sent for him.

He had better go before the offer of peace was withdrawn.

"All right, let me just clear away these herbs."

A knock on the door woke Arthur from his sleep. It took a second or two for him to remember that it would be Tom knocking, possibly accompanied by Merlin. He pushed himself into a sitting position and the effort had him breathing heavily.

"Enter!"

Tom walked into the room, Merlin trailing behind him.

"Merlin, sire."

Merlin stopped and took in the magnificent sight that was Arthur Pendragon. The ruffled blonde hair, the toned arms, that exact shade of gold in his skin… His nose was red raw and his eyes red-rimmed and only half open, but Merlin was so starved of the sight that, to him, Arthur looked more beautiful than ever.

"Merlin? Merlin, you're staring." Arthur didn't sound the least bit amused, so with considerable effort Merlin collected himself.

"Sorry, Arthur. What do you want from me?"

Even Tom, the ever impassive servant boy, couldn't help looking a little surprised at this frank answer that definitely didn't follow court etiquette.

Arthur rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Tom, would you leave the chamber, please. Go peel some carrots or something."

Merlin kept his eyes on Arthur but didn't say anything until Tom had shut the door behind him. Then he cleared his throat.

"Polite as always. I did tell you not to be such a prat, didn't I?"

"You did. But the bootlicker bores me half to death."

"Bores you? I'll tell you what's boring: helping Gaius chop herbs!"

Arthur smiled weakly and there was a moment of amiable silence. Then Merlin opened his mouth again.

"So what do you want from me?"

Arthur avoided his gaze.

"I was sick. And bored." His voice was a little hoarse.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Dance a reel and magic your illness away?" Merlin's voice was sharp with anger.

"No, of course not, don't be an idiot. I just… I don't know, I…" Arthur closed his eyes and felt his head thump with pain.

Merlin let the silence stretch on a bit longer before he took pity on the prince.

"So how did you catch this, then," he asked as he moved to sit by the empty fireplace.

"Oh, my chivalry got the better of me," Arthur said and swallowed laboriously. "I was riding along the lake when I spotted these two men who were clearly bothering a young lady. One of them I managed to scare away and the other I threw into the lake but he caught my foot as he fell, and, well… Let's just say that the gratitude the girl showed may have warmed my heart but it didn't warm much else, more's the pity."

Merlin snorted with laughter.

"You may not believe me, but my guess was actually pretty accurate then."

Arthur smiled at the sound of Merlin's laughter. He thought that summoning the boy was worth it just for that one sound. Merlin, on the other hand, thought about how much better the prince looked when he smiled. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"So what else have you been up to? Any other heroic deeds you want to brag about?"

Arthur grinned.

"Of course, and as it happens I never brag. I do, however, feel that it might be good for you in a purely educational way to hear about my commendable actions but… I find talking a bit hard at the moment."

"Oh, 'fess up, you just haven't done anything else of importance," Merlin teased him. Arthur gave a weak smile.

"Merlin, I really don't feel like talking."

"Well, I could tell you all the kitchen gossip but I doubt that would be very interesting."

Arthur closed his eyes and shivered.

"I'm so cold… Could you get a fire going?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"I'll come up with something to get you warm." He went to the door and Arthur could hear him speak to someone in a low voice. He could make out some words: "Oh, Tom… The prince.. Well, fever's rising… Watch over him… Tell Gaius… All right, night."

Merlin re-entered the room and closed the door behind him. Then he came to the bed and climbed up beside Arthur.

"Hey! What are you doing," the prince protested.

"Human warmth," the servant explained. "It's better than fire or any amount of blankets."

Tentatively Arthur touched Merlin's arm.

"Oooh, you're right," he exclaimed. "You're really warm…" Too cold and tired to care about the look of it, he snuggled closer to Merlin, who was so surprised by the prince's reaction that he just stayed still for a long time. Then, after a while, he put his arms around Arthur.

"Arthur?" he asked, feeling vulnerable because of what he was about to say. When there was no answer he peeked at the prince's face. He was fast asleep.

_Hmm_, Merlin thought to himself. _This is not how I imagined sleeping with the prince would be. Ah well._

He buried his face in Arthur's hair.

**……………………………….....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................**

A-hah! Finally something I can claim as my own! Tom is _mine_. :P Ok, he's not much to brag about but, you know… And I should probably explain the story behind this chapter. See, I caught the flu (fortunately not _that_ flu) and got so irritated I had to take it out on someone. Ergo poor ill Arthur. And oh, my, does Merlin need to wash his brain with soap or what! When did he get so suggestive?! XD


	5. Pillow Talk

**Author's Note**: Wahh, it's so late… But I've let all those lovely people who were kind enough to review and/or put me on alert wait long enough so I'd better make sure this goes up tonight. Thanks for beta to -bare-footed-muse- and Girl With a Pearl Earring, as always. And BBC haven't gotten back to me on that email about giving me the rights to _Merlin _as a Christmas pressie so I still don't own anything.

* * *

Sunlight streamed into the bedchamber of one Arthur Pendragon, Crown Prince. It highlighted the golden hair of said prince and, rather more surprisingly, the dark, messy mop of his former manservant. An objective onlooker might have admired how their colourings complemented each other, before noting how they were snuggled close together. Arthur's head was pressed into the hollow between Merlin's collarbones and Merlin's arms were around him. They looked quite peaceful.

Merlin was the first to stir, woken by Arthur's quiet snores. He lifted his head from where it had been resting on Arthur's and blinked in the sunlight. After a second or two a smile spread over his face as he looked at the sleeping prince. Trying not to move the rest of his body so as not to wake Arthur, he bowed his head and smelled the blonde man's hair._ Funny,_ he thought, _I never knew how good unwashed hair could smell._ Carefully he extracted his arms from under Arthur and stretched them as well as he could without waking his bedfellow. Just as he was carefully pulling up the blanket to cover Arthur's shoulders there came a knock on the door.

"Sire? Breakfast is ready. May I come in?"

_Ooooh, no, no, no! This can't be happening… Why always me?! Now what? _Merlin thought as he frantically looked for a place to hide. His rapid movements woke up Arthur, who sat up straight in his bed when he realized who else was in it.

"Sire? Are you awake?" came the voice from the door, along with the alarming sound of wood scraping against the ground - the servant was clearly on his way in. Arthur was staring at Merlin in horror and was of absolutely no use. Deciding that exposure could wait at least another minute, Merlin ducked under the covers just as Tom, who was fortunately concentrating on carrying plates of food while simultaneously shutting the door behind him, entered the room.

"Your breakfast, my lord," the manservant announced as he put down the plates. Turning to face the bed, he continued: "I trust you have slept w - oh. I didn't realize you had company, sire. Shall I fetch some more food?"

"Mwah," the prince squeaked, a look of horror still on his face. "Eh? Oh. Yes, uh, please do, Tom. And, um, could you peel some carrots while you're at it and now that I think of it I seem to have this - this… Yearning for something… Cold. Yes. Something very cold."

Tom, understandably, looked very confused.

"Something cold? Like sorbet, sire? I suppose I could get you that, my lord, but it would take anawful lot of time…"

"Oh, that's quite all right," Arthur answered quickly. "Now run along will you."

"Yes, sire. Erm - perhaps something for the lady also? My lady? Would you also like some sorbet?"

Arthur paled. After a short pause the body under the covers moved a little.

"Yes," a falsetto voice replied.

Arthur closed his eyes and drew a breath of relief. However, the trial was not yet over.

"Would that be another sorbet, then, milady? Or do you have any special requests?"

Arthur was by now clutching the duvet covering him so hard that his knuckles had gone white.

"Just sorbet, please," the falsetto replied graciously.

"Very well then. Sire, milady, I will be along with the sorbet" - Tom looked uncertain - "in just some time." He turned on his heel and left the room, and Arthur could finally start breathing again.

A dark head appeared from between the sheets. Merlin made sure Arthur was still breathing and not about to faint, and then cleared his throat. In the same screeching falsetto he'd used earlier, he declared:

"Oh Arthur, dear, I do believe I've changed my mind. I'll have an apple instead of the sorbet. Would you mind calling that servant back?"

Suddenly the room was filled with the giggles, yes, giggles, of the prince and his former manservant.

"What was that about the sorbet anyway," Merlin panted as soon as he could breathe."He was about to leave before you brought it up!"

"Ah, yes, but you see now he'll be down in the ice-cellars most of the day. You'll have plenty of time to leave without risking further witnesses."

"Ah, clever," Merlin said, lifting an eyebrow and smiling.

"Well, you're the one who's the idiot."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"I did do a rather convincing female voice, though."

A smile tugged at Arthur's lips.

"Convincing? You're lucky that Tom is stupid as well as ugly or he'd have known something was off the moment he heard you."

"Well, actually, why make such a fuss? I was just keeping you warm, that's all. There's nothing wrong with that."

Arthur turned to face Merlin with an incredulous look on his face.

"I am not going to be seen in bed with a male servant, no matter what the circumstances. Not. Ever."

"Hey, no need to be like that! After all, out of all the male servants you could have had warming your bed, I'm hardly the worst." When his brain caught up with what he'd just said, Merlin blushed.

Arthur stared at him. Then he inched away.

"…Right. Well, I'm feeling much better now so there's really no need for you to stay."

Merlin felt a flash of anger at being discarded again, but then his embarrassment overruled the anger and he got out of the bed, fast.

"Yeah, I've got…things to do. Better get going."

At the door he stopped. This might very well be his last chance to find out.

"Arthur," he said without turning around. "Why did you sack me? Was it something I did?"

In his bed, Arthur pulled a hand throughhis hair, suddenly feeling very tired.

"No. I just needed a bit of change, that's all."

Merlin hesitated at the door. Then he turned around and smiled at Arthur.

"Well, it was nice seeing you again. Even though you're still an ass."

**　

Some hours later Morgana came to visit Arthur in his quarters. He had managed to get out of bed and get dressed and was now sitting at the table, feeling infuriatingly weak.

"Hello, Arthur. You look better today."

"I feel better."

There was a pause during which Morgana kept her dark eyes on Arthur. Then she turned around and said something which made him jump.

"I hear you called for Merlin yesterday."

"Yes, I… I was bored and he is rather entertaining with his clumsiness."

"I'm surprised he agreed to come."

"I'm the prince. Of course he came."

Morgana turned to look at him again, her eyes blazing.

"He has every right to be angry, the way you've treated him!"

"Morgana, he's just a servant."

"No, Arthur, you know he's more than that. He has been a loyal friend to all of us. I'm surprised I even need to remind you!"

Arthur looked away.

"You don't."

"Well it certainly seems like I do! How can you treat him like that after all he's done for us?

After all he's done for you?"

"I am the prince! I can't go around worrying about the feelings of a servant!"

Morgana gave him her best icy stare.

"Arthur, if you really believe that then you are not the man I thought you were."

Arthur threw his arms out in resignation.

"What do you want me to do? Apologize to him? Because I sort of did that already."

"You can give him his job back. You haven't seen him mope around, but the rest of us have.

He's bored out of his mind!"

"Morgana, I can't. There's a reason why I fired him."

"Well, what is it? What are you hiding fromme?"

Arthur smiled that annoying smile of his, the one that implied he thought the person he was talking to was less intelligent than he.

"Morgana, I'm not hiding anything from you."

Morgana leaned forward and tried to look into his eyes.

"There is something you're not telling me."

He met her gaze without wavering.

"Nonsense."

_**　_

Merlin sat under a tree looking out over a field. He'd left the city to avoid having that talk with Gaius about where he'd spent last night.

He sighed as he traced the roots with his finger. Why did everything have to be so complicated? As if it wasn't enough that he couldn't tell anyone that he was a sorcerer, he also had to keep schtum about his feelings for Arthur. Arthur, whom he wasn't allowed to see on a daily basis anymore. It would be a hell of a lot harder to save his life all the time, that much was certain. And without Arthur… It was unthinkable.

"Why did my destiny get it into his head to start avoiding me?" he asked the empty field. Unsurprisingly, there was no answer.

Merlin smiled sadly and looked at the ground. There was a remnant of an old camp fire there, covered in ashes. Merlin's smile changed and became happier as his eyes began to glow gold. The ashes floated into the air and formed the shape of a beautiful bird, flying around gracefully. Then the bird dissolved and turned into a human shape, a man with broad shoulders and a sword.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered with longing in his eyes. "Why can't you just trust me…?"

A shrill scream interrupted his thoughts and the ashes fell to the ground. On the other side of the field stood a woman covering her mouth with her hands. Then she turned and ran away.

Merlin felt dizzy as he stood up and looked after her. _She did not see me. She couldn't have,_ he told his rapidly beating heart. _Could she?_

* * *

You like? You don't? If this is going in a bad direction, then tell me now before it's too late. Do I need to tone down the romance? Please, please review… Remember, virtual cookies… ;)

EDIT: I'm sorry I won't be able to update this story very soon but in the mean time, why don't you check out my Merlin Advent Calendar if you want to read more?


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